u smell like poop

legendary tweets from legendary artists

legendary tweets from legendary artists

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xhezzi: Stripper in Clearwater, FLA showing the judge that her...

xhezzi:

Stripper in Clearwater, FLA showing the judge that her bikini briefs were too large to expose her vagina to the undercover cops that arrested her. The case was dimissed.

blobeggs: today was the last day of school so i drew 1000 cats...

blobeggs:

today was the last day of school so i drew 1000 cats on my algebra teachers whiteboard

close up:

davidisbeyonce: omg like 2 of those girls were on the tyra show...

davidisbeyonce:

omg like 2 of those girls were on the tyra show that i watched last night

"Maybe if your dick was thicker than your goddamn eyebrows we wouldn't be having this conversation"

"Maybe if your dick was thicker than your goddamn eyebrows we wouldn't be having this conversation"

- Gay couple arguing outside Walmart (via dacelio)

theisaacjg: Sir do you know why I pulled you over this evening?

theisaacjg:

Sir do you know why I pulled you over this evening?

definitelydope: Honest Logos by Viktor Hertz

definitelydope:

Honest Logos by Viktor Hertz

jackingtonoff: poetry

jackingtonoff:

poetry

Men's magazine on eating right: STEAK PROTEIN EAT A WHOLE DANG COW EAT YOUR LOCAL BOOK CLUB FOR AN EXTRA ENERGY BOOST PROTEIN HOO HAH

Men's magazine on eating right: STEAK PROTEIN EAT A WHOLE DANG COW EAT YOUR LOCAL BOOK CLUB FOR AN EXTRA ENERGY BOOST PROTEIN HOO HAH
Women's magazine on eating right: One piece of lettuce a day with a side of two slices of skinless apple (the skin has extra calories! YUCK!) Want to treat yourself? Indulge in a plate of rabbit food with yummy diet water sauce for an extra kick!

foodhell: did i just get served by my mom

foodhell:

did i just get served by my mom

bombliate: what i think i am: hardcore really cool great at dancing what i am not: hardcore really...

bombliate:

what i think i am:

• hardcore
• really cool
• great at dancing

what i am not:

• hardcore
• really cool
• great at dancing

donkaphobia: must've left some pocket change in my jeans again

donkaphobia:

must've left some pocket change in my jeans again

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haave-you-met-ted: when butter is too hard to spread and it does the thing

haave-you-met-ted:

when butter is too hard to spread and it does the thing

babyferaligator: *uses you instead of u so you know im serious*

babyferaligator:

*uses you instead of u so you know im serious*

mrcraabs: i'm terribly sorry sir, but for the last time, no, you can not pay us in stickers. i...

mrcraabs:

i'm terribly sorry sir, but for the last time, no, you can not pay us in stickers. i don't care how many stickers you have. this is a high end restaurant. holy shit that is a lot of stickers. okay just give me those and you are free to go don't tell anyone about this

karla-world: This girl that was writing everyones grades wrote 47 for my final grade but the...

karla-world:

This girl that was writing everyones grades wrote 47 for my final grade but the teacher thought it was a 97 

And thats the story of how i passed Chemistry 

andrewdavisfilm: she deleted my comment within ten seconds

andrewdavisfilm:

she deleted my comment within ten seconds

thats-slightly-raven: feistie: thats-slightly-raven: I JUST BURNT MY HAND ON MY LAMP TRYING TO...

thats-slightly-raven:

feistie:

thats-slightly-raven:

I JUST BURNT MY HAND ON MY LAMP TRYING TO TURN IT OFF LAMPS SHOULD NOT BE HOT ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU THIRD DEGREE BURNS THIS IS BULLSHIT.

maybe if you'd go outside and used natural sunlight instead of running your lamp for 13 hours straight, this wouldn't happen :)

OH I'M SORRY IT'S 3:38AM LET ME JUST WAKE UP THE SUN SO I CAN SIT OUTSIDE WITH MY SKINLESS BURNT HAND AND BASK IN THE GLORY OF NATURAL DAYLIGHT.